How I turned lunch into mentorship

From ScienceMag:

In front of me was a sandwich. On the other side of that sandwich was my state’s director of public health. What was a second-year Ph.D. student doing in this situation? Despite the fear and excitement that left me feeling like I was riding a unicycle on the edge of a canyon, I did my best to appear easygoing and professional. This lunch had been my idea, after all. I had been struggling to approach the more experienced and prominent scientists I worked with, and I had thought asking them to lunch might offer a way in. I planned to follow specific talking points to avoid any awkward silences, but instead I found myself ad-libbing everything. Would this lunch be an embarrassing dead end rather than the opening I was hoping for?

I had recently joined a group full of world-class investigators—an exciting environment to be a trainee in, but also pretty intimidating. I felt compelled to make the most of the great wealth of knowledge around me. But the days were chock-full of bench work, meetings, and closed office doors. Asking basic questions in group meetings or requesting investigators’ time for a discussion felt almost impossible. How was I supposed to make inroads without being obnoxious?

Eventually, I began to notice something: When lunch time came around, the busyness subsided, the conference room was empty, and I often spotted investigators eating in their offices. Holding important meetings or conducting lab work with a mouthful of turkey sandwich was frowned on, but it was quite common to sit down with someone and have a conversation over a meal. It occurred to me that offering lunch could be an acceptable way to connect with a busy principal scientist.

I decided to test out my theory, with the state official as my first attempt. I had seen him speak on several occasions—my research institute adjoined the laboratories he ran—and I found his vision for public health inspiring. I seriously doubted he would have the time to meet with a graduate student. Still, I figured I had nothing to lose. So, when I passed him in the hallway one day, I stopped him, introduced myself, and asked whether he would be willing to have lunch with me some time. I worried I would come across as a bother and that I was overstepping some unspoken social rule. But to my surprise, he didn’t hesitate. “Of course,” he answered.

Offering lunch could be an acceptable way to connect with a busy principal scientist.

• Luke Childress
• University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences

The lunch lasted a little less than an hour, but it had an enduring impact on me. Despite the awkward small talk I inflicted on him, we found we had many common interests and intellectual passions. He shared that when he had been in grad school, he had also struggled to connect with midcareer professionals. We exchanged contacts for future correspondence, and I left invigorated and full of insights. Something about sitting down for lunch with him made everybody seem a little less godlike and a little more human. It gave me faith in my ability to fit in around accomplished scientists. And all I had done was ask.

With the confidence born of this experience, I made a mental list of people to invite to lunch and worked through it, week by week. I explained I was a student who wanted to learn about their professional experiences. I generally asked in person, often suggested a restaurant to reduce friction in the interaction, and always offered to pay (though the more senior invitees usually insisted on footing the bill). And no matter how preoccupied they seemed, few people have been unwilling to offer me an hour of their time over the pretense of a meal. I’ve lunched with my thesis committee members, the head of my division, postdocs, lab mates, and collaborating scientists. Each time, it got easier to ask good questions and make a genuine connection. By the time our plates were empty, we’ve often gone from professional topics to more intimate personal conversations.

In my final year of graduate school, I now have a wealth of lunchtime mentors whom I feel comfortable approaching for advice or references. For the next stage of my career, I’m already looking into the tastiest bistros nearby.

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